Saturday, May 28, 2005
emotions = quicksand
i am phenomenal
Friday, May 27, 2005
The Girl on the Bridge
french movie.
about a funny girl. who is depressed, thinks she is unlucky and is attracted to every second tom dick or harry...and worst still doesnt know how to say no!
she is about to jump down a bridge to give up life when she meets a stranger. well she ultimately does jump down but the starnger saves her.. cause he is an artist-knife aiming artist...(whatevah they are called!) and he needs a target.
the rest of the story is about the blind and insane trust that the two have in each other as far as life is concerned. they share nuthin but the few seconds between life and death of the knife flight time. and a few lucky casino numbers.
they have shows all over the world where they both play with her life.
and one fine day she meets the guy she thinks is the one she is waiting for. and they part ways.
and then on both their faith goes back to square one.
weird story...with a happy ending. so ultimately they get back together...and this time share much more....of course including the life- death limbo seconds. so alls well that ends well.
the interesting thought depicted in the movie was the relation between the 2 of them. its amazing how we start trusting someone....and to what extent. its scary. its the way it works though....weird that things that seem baseless work so well.
about a funny girl. who is depressed, thinks she is unlucky and is attracted to every second tom dick or harry...and worst still doesnt know how to say no!
she is about to jump down a bridge to give up life when she meets a stranger. well she ultimately does jump down but the starnger saves her.. cause he is an artist-knife aiming artist...(whatevah they are called!) and he needs a target.
the rest of the story is about the blind and insane trust that the two have in each other as far as life is concerned. they share nuthin but the few seconds between life and death of the knife flight time. and a few lucky casino numbers.
they have shows all over the world where they both play with her life.
and one fine day she meets the guy she thinks is the one she is waiting for. and they part ways.
and then on both their faith goes back to square one.
weird story...with a happy ending. so ultimately they get back together...and this time share much more....of course including the life- death limbo seconds. so alls well that ends well.
the interesting thought depicted in the movie was the relation between the 2 of them. its amazing how we start trusting someone....and to what extent. its scary. its the way it works though....weird that things that seem baseless work so well.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
the lab
i've been dying to see if there is any class that i could take in the american school of arts and crafts in glass blowing and molding-i was quite cynical that i would get a chance but i tried anyways. and i did not get any useful information.
anywayz.
so i started working again in the lab..after quite a while.
yesterday...
i had to set up my own chemical reactor with special apparatus-which means u have to mold the apparatus on your own.
so i go like ...yaaaahhhooooooooooooooooo...at least something.
so the prof tells me do this do this do this and i'll meet you at 5.00pm so see what results we get.
khoooooooooooool:)
and so i start on my 1st completely own glass molding assignment. a glass tube has to be bent in a way that it will enter through a small hole on an adapter and inside the reactor it has to take the shape of the reactor curves.....
exciting....:)
and so i start...
heating glass tube....how much do u heat?..aa..a..turning yet?..aa..a..no..not yet...ouch....shit its hot...ok..aa....there we go..twizer....now...ok...hot enuff?...nope not yet...aa....there..now turn...nice...:)
and then i try putting the turned rod into the reactor and its wont go completely in!
great!:(...rework...heat....turn more...ouch now twizer is hot! god!!!!....ufffffffff....now...there we have a tissue covering the twizer..no chatka:)....and the nxt thing i realise is my glove caught flame....jeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...shit.......wat crap...god...i don need no gloves....
hmmmmmmmmm
k...turn more...now..now..now...k good...
now the nxt turn in the other direction....god!!!i am using this same rod for the next reaction now....baap re!
finally the 2nd turn after another 20-25 mins of struggle of getting scared of burns, of getting scared of shattering the glass, and hurting myself....
hmmmmmmmmmmm
and the final product was a messy but in shape rod with a lot of big and small bumps in the small part that had the 2 turns......hmmmmmmmmmmmm
there is no way i am doing this again!
the next one my prof made for me...in 5 mins!
woah!
that was soooooooooooooo cool:)look at that...the efficiency with which he did it left me agape staring at that second turned glass rod!
today:
next 2 reactions....
2 more rods.....new ones!!!!
oh oh!
hmmm....look i can do this...i saw him do it...i can at least try...
ya he's been doin it for yrs...and il get hurt or burn...no other student is working in the lab....lets just wash the old ones and use....
naaahhhh...lets just try one....
k so i head to the glass molding bench. oh great now the rods are over....
cool lets just use yesterdays...
no no...theres gotta be another rod......there...i can cut a piece from this shape here and shape the piece i want....
oh no! cutting also now....aaj to sure lagne wali hai kaach...
swiiiichhh swiiiiich swiiichhh...kut! and i had the piece in my hand...beautiful perfectly cut rod...no hurt!:)
next....1st bend:heating...turning....there....sweet!....cooling....next turn...heating...let gravity do the small turn....the melt jus flowed and made the turn for me.
5 mins:) without wastage (since i could not afford to waste since that was the only piece i had.)
and the next 5 mins....next rod ready....
now how cool is that??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:))))
awesome...
lab works is fun!:)
anywayz.
so i started working again in the lab..after quite a while.
yesterday...
i had to set up my own chemical reactor with special apparatus-which means u have to mold the apparatus on your own.
so i go like ...yaaaahhhooooooooooooooooo...at least something.
so the prof tells me do this do this do this and i'll meet you at 5.00pm so see what results we get.
khoooooooooooool:)
and so i start on my 1st completely own glass molding assignment. a glass tube has to be bent in a way that it will enter through a small hole on an adapter and inside the reactor it has to take the shape of the reactor curves.....
exciting....:)
and so i start...
heating glass tube....how much do u heat?..aa..a..turning yet?..aa..a..no..not yet...ouch....shit its hot...ok..aa....there we go..twizer....now...ok...hot enuff?...nope not yet...aa....there..now turn...nice...:)
and then i try putting the turned rod into the reactor and its wont go completely in!
great!:(...rework...heat....turn more...ouch now twizer is hot! god!!!!....ufffffffff....now...there we have a tissue covering the twizer..no chatka:)....and the nxt thing i realise is my glove caught flame....jeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...shit.......wat crap...god...i don need no gloves....
hmmmmmmmmm
k...turn more...now..now..now...k good...
now the nxt turn in the other direction....god!!!i am using this same rod for the next reaction now....baap re!
finally the 2nd turn after another 20-25 mins of struggle of getting scared of burns, of getting scared of shattering the glass, and hurting myself....
hmmmmmmmmmmm
and the final product was a messy but in shape rod with a lot of big and small bumps in the small part that had the 2 turns......hmmmmmmmmmmmm
there is no way i am doing this again!
the next one my prof made for me...in 5 mins!
woah!
that was soooooooooooooo cool:)look at that...the efficiency with which he did it left me agape staring at that second turned glass rod!
today:
next 2 reactions....
2 more rods.....new ones!!!!
oh oh!
hmmm....look i can do this...i saw him do it...i can at least try...
ya he's been doin it for yrs...and il get hurt or burn...no other student is working in the lab....lets just wash the old ones and use....
naaahhhh...lets just try one....
k so i head to the glass molding bench. oh great now the rods are over....
cool lets just use yesterdays...
no no...theres gotta be another rod......there...i can cut a piece from this shape here and shape the piece i want....
oh no! cutting also now....aaj to sure lagne wali hai kaach...
swiiiichhh swiiiiich swiiichhh...kut! and i had the piece in my hand...beautiful perfectly cut rod...no hurt!:)
next....1st bend:heating...turning....there....sweet!....cooling....next turn...heating...let gravity do the small turn....the melt jus flowed and made the turn for me.
5 mins:) without wastage (since i could not afford to waste since that was the only piece i had.)
and the next 5 mins....next rod ready....
now how cool is that??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:))))
awesome...
lab works is fun!:)
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
heavy words
at this age it is difficult to distinguish between "possible" and "desire"
at this age the thought process gets clouded with idealistic perspectives that cannot be realised in reality.
at this age...its easy to be impatient and restless, to expect, to assume, to take for granted.
i only hope though that this age, this era of uncertaininty and unstability ends.
soon.
for the better to begin.
hmmmm...
at this age the thought process gets clouded with idealistic perspectives that cannot be realised in reality.
at this age...its easy to be impatient and restless, to expect, to assume, to take for granted.
i only hope though that this age, this era of uncertaininty and unstability ends.
soon.
for the better to begin.
hmmmm...
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Graduation
so....
it started about 1.5 months back.....the stir about graduation...
1st came a letter about graduation details ....along with grading keys, key renewals, quarter status updates etc etc...i was soo drowned at that time in quarter things that i did not bother even reading the letter from the dept about graduation details... thinking...abhi to quarter end ko time hai....
so the month changed into 4 weeks and we had emails pouring in about gown collection...and other emails about the quarter work grip tightening a lil more...
3 weeks emails about senior nite.....and exams schedules changed...new exams got added...pressure that was already there about assignments climbed up.
in spite i still spent a complete eve chilling out and havin fun at the senior nite...2 days b4 an exam!!! (not that i am surprised...been that way since a long time!):)it was totally wicked...and enjoyable...i ges the break helped!
but anywayz...
2 weeks: invitations from various TA offices for parties for graduating students...these went absolutely unnoticed!...like they ner came....at this point graduation felt like...well nuthin....coz i didnt even think about it...i had to work in summer in school so practically it meant nuthin at all...especially with the pressure of gettin A's at least in the last quarter...handlin other 1000 thots that i cud hav done without...
as one aftre another assigns kept finishing and piling up..the thot of graduation made more place in my head....still insignificant but ther.... as exam performances bcam apparent, i started toying with the idea of 3 A's.....and these got linked to graduation....
one fine day i felt an excitemnet for graduation....one part of mind still said though that its jus another fancy thing...
the finals week we got our gowns....hmmmmmmmmmmm
by now i was in the mental state wer i wud b grinning at the thot of the gown and the walk and all those things....
exams got over and TA work took its toll....i actually did not get a moment to day dream about "the walk" and the "gown" and all those things...
and then finally....on the day of graduation...21st may...i got up and decided i shud do some shoppin for the big day...and so went shoppin like about 4 hrs b4 the walk!...and then did the most mundane thing after coming back....laundry...(laundry on the graduation day?!!!!) and then basked in the warm sun for a while and then finally had the space in my mind to try out graduation outfits....
which i did...and then got dressed and went....
for the graduation!
and oh my god wat an experience it was....out of the world(for no reason but still awesome!)...the ambience, the smiles, the cameras, the feelin of celebrityhood, the "gown", the look of the hall....it was overwhelming...
a moment of my life that wont repeat.
it reminded me of the ddlj scene wer the boyz r graduating....that was the 1st time i had gotten introduced to the concept of "gown and hat graduation"...i found it pretty fancy then...and i disticntly remember i had ner imagined myself wearing any sort of a graduation gown then!
i had frds around who made it easy to forget the absense of a family in this "big event"...
i took a lot of pics...
and i looked very pretty(as usual!:))
and i felt each of the moments to its fullest...
and i smiled a lot...
and i thot of all those who i wished wud b a part...
and i thot they wud b a part of it anyways even if they werent around...coz i wud talk about it forever after!!!
it was one helluva totally wicked experience in my life! wont forget ever...not any moment of it...even though its jus a show for now...i am sure the day i actually hac that certificate in my hand wont b as cherishable and rewarding as this day has been!
:)
it started about 1.5 months back.....the stir about graduation...
1st came a letter about graduation details ....along with grading keys, key renewals, quarter status updates etc etc...i was soo drowned at that time in quarter things that i did not bother even reading the letter from the dept about graduation details... thinking...abhi to quarter end ko time hai....
so the month changed into 4 weeks and we had emails pouring in about gown collection...and other emails about the quarter work grip tightening a lil more...
3 weeks emails about senior nite.....and exams schedules changed...new exams got added...pressure that was already there about assignments climbed up.
in spite i still spent a complete eve chilling out and havin fun at the senior nite...2 days b4 an exam!!! (not that i am surprised...been that way since a long time!):)it was totally wicked...and enjoyable...i ges the break helped!
but anywayz...
2 weeks: invitations from various TA offices for parties for graduating students...these went absolutely unnoticed!...like they ner came....at this point graduation felt like...well nuthin....coz i didnt even think about it...i had to work in summer in school so practically it meant nuthin at all...especially with the pressure of gettin A's at least in the last quarter...handlin other 1000 thots that i cud hav done without...
as one aftre another assigns kept finishing and piling up..the thot of graduation made more place in my head....still insignificant but ther.... as exam performances bcam apparent, i started toying with the idea of 3 A's.....and these got linked to graduation....
one fine day i felt an excitemnet for graduation....one part of mind still said though that its jus another fancy thing...
the finals week we got our gowns....hmmmmmmmmmmm
by now i was in the mental state wer i wud b grinning at the thot of the gown and the walk and all those things....
exams got over and TA work took its toll....i actually did not get a moment to day dream about "the walk" and the "gown" and all those things...
and then finally....on the day of graduation...21st may...i got up and decided i shud do some shoppin for the big day...and so went shoppin like about 4 hrs b4 the walk!...and then did the most mundane thing after coming back....laundry...(laundry on the graduation day?!!!!) and then basked in the warm sun for a while and then finally had the space in my mind to try out graduation outfits....
which i did...and then got dressed and went....
for the graduation!
and oh my god wat an experience it was....out of the world(for no reason but still awesome!)...the ambience, the smiles, the cameras, the feelin of celebrityhood, the "gown", the look of the hall....it was overwhelming...
a moment of my life that wont repeat.
it reminded me of the ddlj scene wer the boyz r graduating....that was the 1st time i had gotten introduced to the concept of "gown and hat graduation"...i found it pretty fancy then...and i disticntly remember i had ner imagined myself wearing any sort of a graduation gown then!
i had frds around who made it easy to forget the absense of a family in this "big event"...
i took a lot of pics...
and i looked very pretty(as usual!:))
and i felt each of the moments to its fullest...
and i smiled a lot...
and i thot of all those who i wished wud b a part...
and i thot they wud b a part of it anyways even if they werent around...coz i wud talk about it forever after!!!
it was one helluva totally wicked experience in my life! wont forget ever...not any moment of it...even though its jus a show for now...i am sure the day i actually hac that certificate in my hand wont b as cherishable and rewarding as this day has been!
:)
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
get done..
guyz and assignments....two things u shud really get done with....just get done with...u know...jus get done!
now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
roomies
its amazing...
its totally wicked...
its absolutely unbelievable!!!
3 roomies...
3 gals that too...in one small lil apt...
coexisting so beautifully!
wow!
bhagwaan kare kisi ki nazar na lage:D
its a new exp...enjoyable too!
its totally wicked...
its absolutely unbelievable!!!
3 roomies...
3 gals that too...in one small lil apt...
coexisting so beautifully!
wow!
bhagwaan kare kisi ki nazar na lage:D
its a new exp...enjoyable too!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
constantine
imagination
human race.
has always fascinated me....but ner really interested me as much as some other worldly things.
so i saw the movie constantine today...
interesting movie...
fascinatin concept.
such perfect imagination. weird...how can imagination be perfect?
so we as humans...homo sapiens..have this awesome power of imagination..(or so i believe....since i donno for sure if another species can "imagine"...but again i donno for sure if another species cannot "imagine"....like for example...how do u know that a dog does not imagine a nice lil snack for a meal wen hungry?...but i ges we wud go by- the dog doesnt imagine...)
anywayz...
so....
hell = burning dry horrible place with car chassis burning all over...dead tree skeletons again burnin...
heaven = bright sunny cheerful place with fluffy clouds...
good men = with angel wings..
bad men = red eyed untoward looking ppl...
what imagination can be more defined than this?
and what imagination can be as eccentric than this?
we can hav such extreme but convincing thots...
i often think....
not...what that person may think about me....
but what does that flower on that branch think about me wen i stop by and stare at it and walk away...what does the lil doggy think of me wen i stop bend down and pet the furry lil creature and then...whatevah...
do they think?
do they imagine?
and can they go to th eextent to which we go ...intheir imagination?
constantine...
nice movie...
made me smile at some of the statements that were sooo human...
'wanting to go to heaven'
'the ultimate sacrifice' etc
so drama like...
so unreal..
so imaginative.
so humanlike
wonder if real and unreal are really 2 different things?
or is it jus another imagination bestowed to the mankind?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
human race.
has always fascinated me....but ner really interested me as much as some other worldly things.
so i saw the movie constantine today...
interesting movie...
fascinatin concept.
such perfect imagination. weird...how can imagination be perfect?
so we as humans...homo sapiens..have this awesome power of imagination..(or so i believe....since i donno for sure if another species can "imagine"...but again i donno for sure if another species cannot "imagine"....like for example...how do u know that a dog does not imagine a nice lil snack for a meal wen hungry?...but i ges we wud go by- the dog doesnt imagine...)
anywayz...
so....
hell = burning dry horrible place with car chassis burning all over...dead tree skeletons again burnin...
heaven = bright sunny cheerful place with fluffy clouds...
good men = with angel wings..
bad men = red eyed untoward looking ppl...
what imagination can be more defined than this?
and what imagination can be as eccentric than this?
we can hav such extreme but convincing thots...
i often think....
not...what that person may think about me....
but what does that flower on that branch think about me wen i stop by and stare at it and walk away...what does the lil doggy think of me wen i stop bend down and pet the furry lil creature and then...whatevah...
do they think?
do they imagine?
and can they go to th eextent to which we go ...intheir imagination?
constantine...
nice movie...
made me smile at some of the statements that were sooo human...
'wanting to go to heaven'
'the ultimate sacrifice' etc
so drama like...
so unreal..
so imaginative.
so humanlike
wonder if real and unreal are really 2 different things?
or is it jus another imagination bestowed to the mankind?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
youth
god i'm gonna miss my youth...
The very aura...the thing that u thot this moment....u will never think again the same way for the same reason in the same perspective ever ever again...these that are will never be...these very moments that u breathe in and out so insignificantly will never ever repeat....so u find solace that its over? Or r u scared that its over??Or u stare in amazement that its happening???
The power of youth......it drives u...
to do crazy things......that u wont do at a later age wen u r ripe with the apprehension called wisdom...of whatevah kind...wen u r cushioned to keep uncertainties very far away from u.
Weird thots....create huge voids....very uncomfortable....very driving...but donno towards what...
A thing that's hell convincing at one instant seems shallow the next and the depths of unheard ideas get refracted to astronomical proportions for no good reasons.
Palpable seems vanishing and illusions seems real like mirages.
Minds melt like wax and mold into solid metals.
Outlooks narrow, horizons broaden, all at one instant.
While the sun shines....And it rains..
While everything seems normal...it still seems amiss and absurd and not the way it shud b and yet u cannot explain what those voids r doin in
some and others
